Hey Noah
Feel sorry you had a terrible day/week/year(s) back then.
I know how it feels to be reminded of something.
Just keep in mind that this year is different and you should stay out of the past's perspective.
To me - 8th of April isn't a special day but many others are.
Theres always something that I recall from the past and either it makes me feel so bad or I dont give two cents.
You will, eventually, get over these bad times of your life even though now it may seem like you will never be able to.
I once had the worse heart break ever and I know that this is not even close to your situation but the way I felt back then was undescribable.
I also thought I would never get over it.
I'm here today now, telling people to never lose hope.
Whatever happened, I am very sorry and I really know the feel.
If you ever need a chat you know I will always be there