Staff resignation

[gearing]

11 hours ago, Saiyan said:

Dear community,

Some of you may know I exist and who I am, some of you may not.

Just a brief introduction: (introducing oneself in  a farewell section  )

My name is Saiyan (on here) , i've been a moderator for a good 10 months, before I got promoted I was a scripter 2 and a chatbox assistant. 

I'm from the UK and I'm 17 years old (I turned 17 on the 21st of Jan this year) 

I joined the site in 2014 but I was a typical grey name leech and not until 2015 did I actually become active in the community.

During my time here, I had a lot of fun made a lot of scripts (Saiyan's GWD, Saiyan's  BDK, Saiyan's Zulrah (made by Explv))

Introduction aside, i'm not leaving the site I just won't be on as much and as a result to spare the burden for the team of having a ghost aka me doing nothing in the time that i'll be inactive, I decided to  resign so they can choose someone new or another viable option whatever they all decide on.

The reason for my resignation is due to many things, I won't delve too deep in the details because it is pretty personal and i'd want to spare myself the pity but basically it's to do with family issues and arguments that I have on a daily basis with my parents, me being a worthless failure in the eyes of my parents just a useless son who plays on the pc for the full day 24/7. You might say how does that affect my moderation but basically I live with my parents and pretty much they own everything cause I earn $0 irl and have no income as I am unemployed so technically everything in my possession (my phone, my pc, my ps4 etc) they own. That being said, sometimes when we fall out they'll take away these things but obviously it's just items so I wont throw a fit and be like give me my things back, sometimes I think it's for the better good anyway because all I do is sulk and retreat to my pc cause I can't cope with my insecurities. 

That's just one of the issues but other issues currently concerning me irl would be the fact that I want to focus on my education and keep that as my priority and I know its not medically diagnosed because I havent talked to anyone about it because I don't want to be put on medication even though I can feel pretty shitty sometimes but Im pretty sure im depressed anyway ngl lol. Not that it matters nor do I want to fully explain it because I could be speaking about it all day.

But yeah, back to the point.

I'm sorry if I ever offended or hurt you it wasn't intentional, it was me either in a bad mood or me being a douche solely for the benefit of the community. I don't ask you to forgive me if you hate me but I ask you to find it in your heart to understand what I did and why I did what I did. 

I've made many mistakes and I've learnt from them hopefully.

Maybe one day if my life is stable if the team want me back sure i'll be here for them and for you all.  I'm sorry I cant be here for you now, but I have to face my own demons.

 

Thanks for having me all

 

go get them champ! learn to be a coder and earn more than your parents so they can be proud of you ( and more important: you can feel yourself as someone who your personality in the past can look up to )

on the other hand they are right busting your balls, up to the point you live at home you are 'owing' them

start doing some sports or gym to overcome your shyness & live up to your possibilities, it also helps you to cope with depression or spleen ( trust me i was 17 once )

try to get into uni where you will be surrounded by like-minded people and you can form bonds, also you can land a better job than the average Midlands chav

protip1: you will be uncomfortable, fail a lot, rinse , repeat, but at least you tried:D

protip2: rs is an addiction, find a new one to overcome it:P

protip3: if you code or do any kind of home from job things, you can play rs simultaneously while doing your job:D

DISREGARD MY BULLSHIT, GO OUT AND TEAR THEM A NEW!

Edited April 7, 2017 by gearing

[Final]

"Won't delve too deep into the issues" but the community probably knows you more now than some of your family. 

I can relate, gone through anxiety depression, there is no actual help out for anyone who is 17 and living in the UK because you can't be put in CAMHS and you actually can't be onto a NHS scheme either.

The best advice I can personally give is the following:

• Own who you are and figure out what is a valid problem and what is just your insecurities, being on the computer a lot isn't necessarily a bad thing, using it as a 'safe place' is; after that you can start working on it.

 

• They will throw medication at you the second you mention anxiety or depression (fluoxetine) and they will happily up your dosage even at this age, they were happy to bump mine up 4x the original amount. Do not take any drugs, they will take awhile to kick in but it does more bad than good, I was having the best days I've had and then I'd wake up the next day and have some of the worst lows for no reason.

 

• My parents were never in a position to buy me any technology which i could do anything productive with on the computer, sometimes you have to be your own person and find opportunity where it is infront of you, there is so much opportunity in just the Runescape community let alone the greater video game and industry which you could easily benefit from if you put in the time. A lot of people on this website have been in similar positions, it's just about how you wanna deal with it really and pitying yourself is generally the easiest route to take.

 

• Take every opportunity which is available to you, sometimes you should take what is there rather than fight for something which isn't. An example of this is trying to be an astronaut by the time you are 18, but actually, you are already good enough to do something productive with programming. Sometimes you gotta take the easy route if you aren't in the best position to be fighting.

Just pursue school and do what you want to do, as long as you are keeping up with your responsibilities and achieving what you want to, then I don't see any point of trying to be someone you might not want to be, just own it.

Edited April 7, 2017 by Final

[aloevera]

mods dont get paid? 
What is the point of becoming one

[Eagle Scripts]

Sad to see you leave buddy

Take care and I hope you'll get your irl problems fixed

[Shudsy]

[Sysm]

Paki good run

[chrisscott99]

sad story man hope to see you back soon

[Sysm]

Fave mod i luv u rlly  pls promote him when he returns  @Maxi @Zach @Dex @Antonio Kala

[Dex]

The dedication you had during your time as a staff member already proved us many times that you're definitely not a failure.

It also means that you are more than capable of achieving something good irl as well, you just have to put in the same amount of dedication and you have to want it hard enough.

If this means you have to resign then so be it. But always know that you will be missed.

[Santonio]

I wish you the best of luck

 

[The Undefeated]

See this as an opportunity,  not a failure.

Get on with your life and don't regret your decisions. 

Good luck.  

[Jesse]

Out of all my time I've been here you were definitely the best mod I've seen  hopefully everything works out for you!

[Container]

Never got around talking to your much, but I respect your decisions based on what you have told us.

Much love - hopefully we'll still see you around!

[Kissy]

bye man

[Mistys]

Love you dad