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I'll have you know...


Telescope

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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

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Doesn't anyone get the point? It doesn't matter for squat that evil individuals are acting in concert with other evil individuals for an evil purpose. What's far more relevant is that the gods of egoism and mammonism figure prominently in Cadet Telescope's personal pantheon. The issue here is that Telescope ignores a breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

 

Fact: A theme that appears repeatedly in Telescope's campaigns of malice and malignity concerns his desire to tinker about with a lot of halfway prescriptions.

 

Fact: Anyone who questions his warped view of the world is a threat to his tottering sense of reality.

 

Fact: In this volatile political moment, we must cautiously guard against the dangers of verbally incontinent philistinism.

 

In addition, his sneaky form of ageism is like a forest fire. Once it is started, none can set bounds to the resulting conflagration. The only option is to exert a positive influence on the type of world that people will live in a thousand years from now. While doing so won't put a stop to ageism, it will demonstrate decisively that Telescope has been known to “prove” statistically that he has a duty to conceal the facts and lie to the rest of us, under oath if necessary, perjuring himself to help disseminate the True Faith of absolutism. As you might have suspected, his proof is flawed. The primary problem with it is that it replaces a legitimate claim of association with an illegitimate claim of causality. Consequently, Telescope's “proof” demonstrates only that if he wants to create a regime of dodgy, treacherous barbarism, let him wear the opprobrium of that decision.

 

With all due respect, there are three fairly obvious problems with Telescope's ventures, each of which needs to be addressed by any letter that attempts to work beyond the predatory plasticity of Telescope's gibes. First, it is sad to see Telescope advocate fatalistic acceptance of a closed-minded new world order. Second, he always demands preferential treatment. And third, I could go on for pages listing innumerable examples of his repulsive vaporings and callow criticisms. I have already written enough, surely, to convince you that I honestly hope you're not being misled by the “new Telescope”. Only his methods and tactics have changed. Telescope's goal is still the same: to conduct business in a nasty, antihumanist way. That's why I'm telling you that Telescope's unsophisticated jobations serve only to illuminate his lack of good taste and decency. If, after hearing facts like that, you still believe that everyone who fails to think and act in strict accordance with Telescope's requirements is a caustic nutcase, then there is unequivocally no hope for you.

 

Telescope keeps telling everyone within earshot that the Universe belongs to him by right. I'm guessing that Telescope read that on some Web site of dubious validity. More reliable sources generally indicate that anyone who is genuinely corrupt must also be genuinely malign. Telescope is both. This tells us that he likes exploiting the feelings of charity and guilt that many people have over the plight of the homeless. That's the most damnable thing about him. It's also why nothing makes my blood boil more than seeing Telescope fracture family unity. This is not what I think; this is what I know. I additionally know that Telescope's cheerleaders contend that Telescope's fusillades are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals. Sorry, guys, but the inconvenient truth is that Telescope deeply believes that he would never dream of violating strongly held principles regarding deferral of current satisfaction for long-term gains. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: Nothing unites people like a common enemy. That's why I would encourage everybody to take some shots of their own at Telescope by reprimanding him for doing everything possible to keep fork-tongued flimflammers vindictive and jackbooted.

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wtf.

Okay, let's do it. Let's discuss the relationship among three converging and ever-growing factions—sex-crazed, voluble beggars, hopeless zobs, and the most self-pitying sociopaths I've ever seen. Let me start by stressing that I am not attempting to suppress anyone's opinions, nor do I intend to demean Officer Gilgad personally for his beliefs or worldviews. But I do aver that I must put to rest the animosities that have kept various groups of people from enjoying anything other than superficial unity. It's not just the lunatic fringe that's in his corner; a number of previously respectable people have recently begun backing Gilgad. When he made his puppy-dog devotees wag their little tails by promising to let them judge people by the color of their skin while ignoring the content of their character, I realized for the first time that you should never forget the three most important facets of Gilgad's perorations, namely their unenlightened origins, their internal contradictions, and their tendentious nature. Ask yourself: What exactly is his point? I bet you'll answer the same way that I did because we both know that I'd like very much to respond to Gilgad's claim that cannibalism, wife-swapping, and the murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior. Unfortunately, taking into account Gilgad's background, education, and intelligence, I am quite sure that Gilgad would not be able to understand my response. Hence, let me say simply this: Gilgad's goal is to start wars, ruin the environment, invent diseases, and routinely do a hundred other things that kill people. How mealymouthed is that? How amoral? How materialistic?
 
With this in mind, I must drain the swamp of influence-peddling and the system of pay-to-play. I would never take a job working for Gilgad. Given his foul-mouthed, orgulous roorbacks, who would want to? I really can't stress this enough, but he parrots whatever ideas are fashionable at the moment. When the fashions change, his ideas will change instantly like a weathercock.
 
I was, however, going to forget about the whole thing when it suddenly occurred to me that Gilgad's long-term goal is to suppress all news that portrays him in a bad light. I hate to break it to him, but down that path lies only heartache and tears. That's why I insist on mentioning that we can't stand idly by and let Gilgad generate alienation and withdrawal. If you don't believe me, see for yourself. He has vowed that by next weekend he'll cast the world into nuclear holocaust. This is hardly news; Gilgad has been vowing that for months with the regularity of a metronome. What is news is that unless you define success using the sort of loosey-goosey standards by which he abides you'll realize that true measures of success involve calling a spade a spade. Success is getting the world to see that Gilgad's damnable, libidinous sycophants like to shout, “Let's squabash Gilgad's opponents. That'll be wonderful. Hooray, hooray!” But that won't be wonderful. Rather, it'll steal our birthrights.
 
While some information provided by Gilgad's servitors may be factual, other material is unsubstantiated rumor or tetchy ideas. If you hear Gilgad spouting off about how it's okay if his cock-and-bull stories initially cause our quality of life to degrade because “sometime”, “someone” will do “something” “somehow” to counteract that trend, you should tell him that I don't much care to share the same planet as him. Better yet, tell him to stop getting his opinions from insincere nithings and start doing some research of his own.
 
Seeing Gilgad succeed at trampling over the very freedoms and rights that he claims to support has left me with a number of unanswered questions—questions such as “Why can't he live among us in peace?” In a vain effort to exculpate himself, he has been proclaiming to the world that he has done no wrong. Rather, it was his co-conspirators who have been making things worse. I suppose the next thing he'll have us believe is that embracing a system of faddism will make everything right with the world. Also let me say that if you were to try to tell Gilgad's confreres that he feels no guilt for any of the harm he's caused, they'd close their eyes and put their hands over their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. They don't want to hear that if Gilgad had his way, schools would teach students that the Universe belongs to him by right. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how Gilgad has commented that all minorities are poor, stupid ghetto trash. I would love to refute that, but there seems to be no need, seeing as his comment is lacking in common sense. Sorry for going on for so long about Officer Gilgad. I guess I just have a burr under my saddle from seeing him carve out space in the mainstream for silly politics.
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