I'll help you out man c:
When you're doing text, you don't want it to be all up in your face, like you've been doing. you also don't want it to be too close to the main focal point. On this signature, it's Venom's head. You put the text near the focal point and doing that made us get distracted and not even look at Venom, instead.. We looked at the text.
Of course you don't want your text to be invisible, and you don't want it to be too detailed. If you look at all of the popular taggers, their tags that have text on them. Their text is really really plain. But it still makes the piece look amazing, and that's because it is so plain.
With text on a tag, Simplicity is key.