i like turtles.

spem

gl

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spem

 

I sexually Identify as a ghost pirate. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sailing the undead seas searching for the afterlife of dave jones’ locker . People say to me that a person being a ectoplasmic-sea captain is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m sp00ky. I’m having an ethereal cutlass created, a 17th century french sloop and a ghostly crew of shanty singers bought. From now on I want you guys to call me “deadbeard” and respect my right to kill rival poltergeist and photonically phase my being into the next realm . If you can’t accept me you’re a phantom-buccaneerphobe and need to check your undead-aquatic privilege. Thank you for being so understanding matey.

 

I sexually identify as a single, Pringle, ready to mingle. Ever since I was a potato I dreamed of being thin sliced, covered in disgusting oil then heated in a medium oven until reaching climax at the micro second of golden-browness. People bully me, and say things like “what the fuck, you aren’t a Pringle”, but I know deep down they are just jealous of my inner beauty. I have already started hiding in cylinders all day, and now im improving my crunchiness by regularly burning my sides on the stove. I want you guys to respect my natural ability to instantly satisfy low salt carb cravings, and if you don’t you are oppressing me, and you should check your diabetes type. Thank you for being so understanding.

 

Not quite funnny, almost there

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gg

spem

 

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