I’m going to state reasons why our family needs a dog. Every day you guys say ‘’be more responsible Michael’’ well getting a dog teaches responsibility. When you get a dog you have to feed it, you have to teach it where to do its business, you have to clean your dog any many other things that involve responsibility. Dogs can make you feel safe like a guard dog . Here’s an analogy of how a dog saved a little boy’s life: ‘’On Saturday an 18-month old golden retriever saved her owners son from being attacked by a cougar while in the backyard of their home in Boston Bar, British Columbia, about 130 miles north of Vancouver’’ the date this took place was January 5, 2010. The 18 month retriever saved the little boy’s life without the dog the little boy would have died. Dogs can also be a companion when you’re running, jogging, or just walking. Everyone needs exercise with a dog you can exercise with someone you don’t have to be alone. Dogs can be your companion help you get motivated for exercise. To conclude dogs are a must need for any family, they teach responsibility, they keep you safe, and they give you someone to exercise with.

I'm sorry but this is unacceptable writing. Allow me to give you some tips on what to fix here. 

 

I have highlighted a few things in your paragraph. I didn't highlight everything because I honestly don't feel like it's necessary since you can easily find and correct your mistakes after I help you. 

 

Your main problem is that you keep saying "you" as though it relates not only to others but to yourself. Stop saying "you" in every writing assignment you ever turn in. You does not belong in most essays. Conversing on here is different, and there are different rules. You holds no place in an essay. Instead of saying: "every day you guys say", try saying something along the lines of: "Every day I hear..." 

 

Next, "When you get a dog you" is informally stating that you are instructing your audience. This is not what an essay is for. Try: "Ever since I got a dog, I have had to feed it, housebreak it, (it can be changed to him/her) etc. 

 

Using what I have shown you here you can correct the other "you's" in your essay. 

 

The story you shared was not an analogy. Use a different word. Also, between life and without there needs to be some punctuation. A period would work, and so  would a semi-colon. 

 

Good luck and let me know if you have any other questions.

 I’m going to state reasons why our family needs a dog. Every day you guys say ‘’be more responsible Michael’’ well getting a dog teaches responsibility. When you get a dog you have to feed it, you have to teach it where to do its business, you have to clean your dog any many other things that involve responsibility. Dogs can make you feel safe like a guard dog . Here’s an analogy of how a dog saved a little boy’s life: ‘’On Saturday an 18-month old golden retriever saved her owners son from being attacked by a cougar while in the backyard of their home in Boston Bar, British Columbia, about 130 miles north of Vancouver’’ the date this took place was January 5, 2010. The 18 month retriever saved the little boy’s life without the dog the little boy would have died. Dogs can also be a companion when you’re running, jogging, or just walking. Everyone needs exercise with a dog you can exercise with someone you don’t have to be alone. Dogs can be your companion help you get motivated for exercise. To conclude dogs are a must need for any family, they teach responsibility, they keep you safe, and they give you someone to exercise with.

I'm sorry but this is unacceptable writing. Allow me to give you some tips on what to fix here. 

 

I have highlighted a few things in your paragraph. I didn't highlight everything because I honestly don't feel like it's necessary since you can easily find and correct your mistakes after I help you. 

 

Your main problem is that you keep saying "you" as though it relates not only to others but to yourself. Stop saying "you" in every writing assignment you ever turn in. You does not belong in most essays. Conversing on here is different, and there are different rules. You holds no place in an essay. Instead of saying: "every day you guys say", try saying something along the lines of: "Every day I hear..." 

 

Next, "When you get a dog you" is informally stating that you are instructing your audience. This is not what an essay is for. Try: "Ever since I got a dog, I have had to feed it, housebreak it, (it can be changed to him/her) etc. 

 

Using what I have shown you here you can correct the other "you's" in your essay. 

 

The story you shared was not an analogy. Use a different word. Also, between life and without there needs to be some punctuation. A period would work, and so  would a semi-colon. 

 

Good luck and let me know if you have any other questions.

Im writing this to my DAD so YOU is acceptable i would think

Im writing this to my DAD so YOU is acceptable i would think

 

So this isn't a school assignment as you indicated? If your father is the teacher, you could impress him by using an actual essay format, even though he should already be teaching you this. 

 

Either way, you can take my advice and become a better writer or you can write slop, your choice.