In my short stories class I had to write a life-or-death situation. Would this be acceptable after all life-or-death situations would call for some content.

Christopher L*****  Mr. P***********

Period 4 Life or death

As I stepped into my car my cell phone beeped,
“Yo bro, you ready to do this? We don’t have to really do this, it’s going to be dangerous.” The message was sent from my best friend Lee.
“Yeah we're doing this, if i’m correct there is a “safe-house” located down the road from the market. 8 of them, Two of us.” I replied and put my phone down to finish cleaning a loaded Beretta M9.
“Alright man, Ill meet you at the market, park in the back so we can load some toys into the back.” Lee replied few minutes later.
The time’s 8:42 PM, Monday April 20th. Everyone's getting ready for bed, and the police are having a pretty shitty time patrolling downtown for any illegal cannabis. I don’t want to die, but im not going to let some punks torment my family. As Lee rolled up I pumped my trunk and got out.
“Yo, give me a hand with this?” Lee struggling to pull a bag out of the car.
“Whats in the bags?” I questioned Lee.
“Well if these guys are as dangerous as everyone say’s, we better be prepared. I brought some Ak’s. Those little pistols you got won’t do the job,” Lees face became serious.
“Alright, Lets get out of here and do this.” I spoke followed by the doors slamming shut, engine starting, and exhaust blowing.
As we pulled by the house we stopped and scouted ahead.
“4 guy’s in the house, 2 guy’s just walked out probably to the market for a few minutes, Lets hit them and hit them hard.” Lee whispered.
Walking up to the doors my heart started to rush and my head started to ache. Before I knew it we were at the door, the door fell off like cardboard after booting it in. Guns pointed at the strangers point blank.
“You know who we are, and you know why we’re here. Save us the time and give him to us and no one has to start leaking” My voice roared like a Drill sergeant giving commands.
“Fucking chill we don’t know what your talking about dude, Who are you and-” one of the men stopped at the sound of a M9 clip loading and cocked.’
“I could blast you fools and get away with murder, where the fuck is my brother you got 10 seconds.” The veins in my neck bursted from my skin.
“Your just like him, thinking you could just walk in here because your invincible.” The man began to grin, another pistol cocked behind my head.
Lee spun and disarmed the hidden man from upstairs. Before I could think my head started racing and I popped a cap into this man’s leg.
“I’m not fucking playing, where is my brother next shot’s will be to the dome. Each and every one of you.” I screamed.
The group of men looked at eachother fearing their lifes.
“Fine, he joined our Gang. Your brother is one of us now. He rolls with the Cripz.” The man once again grinned and began to laugh.
“Where is he!” I roared.
“He’s somewhere, maybe next door. Maybe he’s getting “beat-in” as we speak? Who knows, certainly not me sir,” The man continued cracking up.
Lee became annoyed, as if the man laughing made him snap. Lee rose his gun and blasted another guy, but this time it was straight to the head. Blood-splattered all over the walls, and onto the man who was laughing who became dead silent.
“Where the fuck is this man’s brother? I’ll count to 3,” Lee’s veins started to pop-out and he began to count.

 

Edited April 19, 201312 yr by Chris95

Interesting

Error:

“Alright, Lets get out of here and do this.” I spoke followed by the doors slamming shut, engine starting, and exhaust blowing.

Capital L for Lets, shouldn't it be lower case??

That's pretty good man! You had an error though, where it said "pumped", I think you meant popped.

There's a few grammatical changes and bits of sentence structure that should change to fit your mood. However, the story aspect was great.

Hm i like it

Well read, do you intend to write more?

Edited April 22, 201312 yr by Woot

Nice!